It's been awhile, hasn't it. The last time we talked was earilier this year when I'd entered rehab. That lasted until September-ish, and then I relapsed.
I've lost my job and I'm job-hunting again - Was fired in late December/early November. God I feel numb today. I don't seemt o have the energy, confidence, or ability to do anything positive today. I want to curl up into a ball, cry, and then disappear somewhere.
God this sucks. Why can't I just disappear for a bit and not do things or be around people. I'm just not feeling good. Gopd I wish I could not be at this point of life again right now. I always disappoint myself. I'm good at picking myself up, but holy shit it sucks when I fall down agian. No pill or therapy fixes this, it's just the shitty thing about bipolar. I don't know why it has to hit me like this. Why.
Song of the moment: Blind Melon - No Rain.
Feels about right in my life right now, honestly - All I can say is that my life is pretty blain. What do I do here, where do I go? And the birtch of it is that I'm not so bad - One of the guys on the van is bipolar and legit had a 2 month breakdown where he basically disappeared from life whilst in the hosptial.
Fuck all of this. I feel so miserable about life rn.
